"Sandal Goth" is Definitely a Real Style

Sandals. They have existed since ancient times. The humble sandal is the true unifier crossing the boundaries of race, religion, rich or poor. A true footwear for the masses. They can be made out of practically anything from rope to ribbon to leather to plastic. Take some sort of foot-shaped thing, strap it to the underside of your foot and bam! You've got yourself a sandal.

So how are sandals goth? They could be just as synonymous with goth as ankhs and crucifixes. But to see where the sandal fits in with all things gothic we need to go back to the beginning.

Yep, I'm going there

The first goths were the Visigoths and Ostrogoths. Barbarian tribes who became well known for sacking Rome. While the Romans were well known for wearing sandals (and I'm sure the original Goths had an eye for quality footwear as they were looting) they wore sandals too.

Pottery? We want more sandals!

It is unclear if they came up with the idea of sandals themselves or merely borrowed the idea from the Romans. The Romans did conscript barbarians to fight in their armies so maybe they had access to the company store. In any case it doesn't matter. They were Goths and they wore sandals!

Sandals fit for a King Alaric

Fast forward a millennium and a few centuries or so. Gothic architecture - influenced by? You guessed it - the sandal!

Take the flying buttress. Like the early sandal, its all about support. Instead of an ankle, its a wall of a building.

Feet have arches, so do gothic buildings. Many sandals have arch support. Coincidence? No!

Flying buttresses and arches - just like a sandal!

So far we have well established the importance of the sandal in gothic history. Now we get to the modern goth subculture. The sandal is more relevant than ever.

Of course the only true sandal a goth would ever wear is a black one though dark purples, reds or blues are still ok. Maybe a brown sandal if you feel like going steampunk but remember you need to glue some gears on it to be authentic.

The most common places goths wear sandals are in parts of the world with hotter climates. A nice pair of sandals is the perfect accent to any Tropigoth outfit consisting of preppy vay-cay wear. They also work well in dry, hot climates combined with loose clothing. Wet or snowy climates may prefer to leave the sandals for the warmer months as black feet from frostbite may be top tier stylish ubergoth but losing the ability to dance is not. That said, it could be argued that show shoes are really in fact "snow sandals".

As a bonus these snow shoes look industrial as fuck

But what if you have modest feet that don't enjoy being mostly naked? Or you feel sandals are goth but not goth enough for your personal tastes? There is an excellent styling solution for that.

#sorrynotsorry

Yes, the glorious combination of socks with sandals. You too can look stylish, goth and have warm feet at the same time. Just be sure you don't get them wet. Fashion - its always a trade off between comfort and style.

Even King Alaric wore socks with sandals and he sacked Rome!

So what sandal is the right sandal for you? If you want durability you can't go past a good ancient pair. The only downside is you either have to randomly dig in places you think they might be buried or steal some from a museum. If they have lasted near 2000 years I am sure they will survive whatever punishment you have planned for them.

Hey Demonia, you could learn a lot from the Romans

Maybe you want sandals you can disguise as really tall boots so you can have the airy freedom too? The internet and its retailers have you covered.

Your legs and feet are in their own personal bondage party

There are many other styles, sizes and forms sandals come in. Speaking of which, I really should mention the latest in space-age sandal technology using molded polymers. They are cheap, easy to produce and confortable to wear.

No, I'm not talking about flip flops (AKA thongs in Australia). Those don't count as they have no heel support. I'm talking about the next evolution in sandals...

They even come in black because goth

And remember kids, if you wear your sandals with black lipstick you will be extra goth. The rest of your clothing doesn't matter. Just ask the internet. You know the internet is never wrong, don't you?

Next month we cover Ugg boots!

Gothic faux pas or gothic ooh la la?

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This article is clearly a work of satire that is parodying other goth fashion articles about stuff that is completely irrelevant to the goth subculture. I have to point this out because around 90% of you will get the joke but about 10% of you will not. It is not always clear when I am being serious or not, but I'd like to hope its pretty clear what my intentions are this time.

You don't get to write an article, see it being criticised then cry "LOL it was just a parody". If you are going to write satire/parody then do it well or don't do it at all. Or at least make it glaringly obvious or post it in a place well known for satirical content.

Tell the joke, don't be the joke.