Our daring young alternatives get deeply embroiled in the sounds of 80s goth, as The Sisters and the Batcave album mark the point of no return for our poor little lost ones, our willing victims of the terminally weird. Will they ever learn? Not likely, not if this week's breakdown of the almighty Andrew Eldritch's lyrical ouevre is anything to go by...

As our unlikely, small-town heroes reach the age of 16, they make a revelatory discovery: there's a goth club in town! Attempts to sneak in may be less than successful, but Nicky and Simon's discovery of a scene filled with misfits and marvels begins in earnest with their knowledge of The Crypt. Girls and booze also loom into view, with all the inevitable consequences...need I go on?